When a lifelong friend died of cancer recently his family asked that in lieu of providing flowers for the funeral could we please donate the same $ amount to the Cancer Council. I found the request appropriate and respectful because it not only honoured his memory, it also honoured those who sought to help him. Conversely… When a former colleague whom I had not seen for nearly 10 years sent an email asking that I donate the value of her ‘birthday gift’ to xxx charity, I was more bemused than offended as not only did the request reflect poorly on her (I had no intention of buying her anything), it also suggested I somehow needed an excuse to donate to charity and should choose HER charity as my beneficiary. This was really rather condescending considering the $ amounts, time and effort I currently donate to other charities. I think this is a very individual thing – In some situations it may be appropriate to ask people to donate to a cause; in other cases it is clearly inappropriate and likely to turn people away.